“Lukas was born without crying, without tears, in silence”: the testimony of a mother from Jargeau who lost her baby

Cindy is wearing a pearl bracelet on her left wrist with “mam’ange” written on it.. She is the mother ofa stillborn baby boy on May 20, 2022. Five months later, this 34-year-old woman, who lives in Jargeau, says she is just beginning her mourning.

He wanted to be a witness to this trial that many parents go through and still remains taboo.. The International Day of Perinatal Mourning was also observed, discreetly, on October 15.

“It’s hard to choose the day of our baby’s death…”

Her son, Lukas, she carried for seven months and three days. Until the moment they decided, together with his wife, for a medical termination of pregnancy (IMG).

“The first ultrasound of the 3rd month was normal. I did a blood test to assess the risk of trisomy. We got the results after three weeks. This risk is 1 in 20, that is, very high. It is a meltdown for us,” Cindy recalled.

Amniocentesis confirms the diagnosis a month later, while the fifth month ultrasound still showed nothing. Disturbing.

In April, an anesthetist from the CHR d’Orléans received them. “We always said that if we had a baby with Down’s syndrome, we would terminate the pregnancy. He asked us to choose a date as soon as possible because the schedule is busy. He put crazy pressure on us, unacceptable. It’s hard to choose the day of our baby’s death… It’s still a difficult task. I left the meeting in tears, devastated…”

Cindy asked to change doctors to have “a little compassion” and to let some time pass to “digest the announcement.” “My stomach was changing, I felt the baby move. Finally, we chose the date of May 19 to enter the hospital.”

“I hesitated until the last moment”

Two days before, Cindy came to take two pills to mature the cervix. “I knew there was no turning back, from there. My husband could not be there so I asked for the presence of the psychologist. I doubted until the last moment.”

Receive a free newsletter every Thursday “La Rep takes care of you” to find out everything about health in the Loiret

NL {“path”:”mini-registration”,”id”:”RC_Sante”,”accessCode”:”14208761″,”allowGCS”:”true”,”bodyClass”:”ripo_generic”,”contextLevel”:”KEEP_ALL “,”filterMotsCles”:”6|10|97|2607″,”gabarit”:”generic”,”hasEssentiel”:”true”,”idArticle”:”4208761″,”idArticlesList”:”4208761″,”idDepartment “:”264″,”idZone”:”22117″,”motsCles”:”6|10|97|2607″,”premium”:”true”,”pubs”:”banniere_haute|article”,”site”: “RC”,”sousDomain”:”www”,”urlTitle”:”born-without-crying-without-tears-in-silence-the-testimony-of-a-mother-by-jargeau -who -lost her-baby”}

Arrived on May 19. His wife took them to the delivery room.

“That day, the maternity ward was full. We could hear the babies crying,” she said.

The epidural was placed. But wrong. He pointed this out but “they didn’t listen to me and I blame them. When the doctor came to make a gesture to stop life through the umbilical cord, I felt everything: my son was moving in all directions, the bites. I screamed, I struggled. It’s horror…” Finally he was given a tranquilizer. The parents found themselves alone in the room. “We collapsed. We played a song to gently send our son away.”

A photo album to track this meeting with his son.

“She is a beautiful baby for her age. She has blond hair and eyelashes”

Childbirth occurs soon after. Cindy’s husband did not want to attend and preferred to go out. “The midwife came and I cried all the tears in my body. Lukas was born at 2:42 am on May 20, without crying, without tears, in silence. It was difficult. But also met. He was 1.390 kg and 39 cm. He was a beautiful baby for his age. He had blond hair and eyelashes. I only saw him after his disability. Very light.”

Despite bleeding from the release, the mother passed two hours suspended with his son :

“The caregivers respect my choices. I want to have skin-to-skin contact with him, to take care of him by my side. I got his foot and hand prints. And he also cut some hair.”

Cindy got her daughter’s fingerprints after she gave birth.

He returned to a room around 6, with the father. But the truth quickly caught up with them. “At 10:30 am, the administrative department came to make us sign some papers. The person stayed for two minutes and asked us if we wanted collective cremation or burial. Without explanation. We couldn’t afford a decent funeral, so we opted for mass cremation..” By 1 pm they were gone, less than 12 hours after giving birth…

“We would have liked to have more information about the result, the financial aid… I didn’t know that CAF paid a bereavement allowance, which could have paid for the funeral. We would rather put it next to my grandfather,” he lamented. said Cindy.

“Disgusted” by the parental bereavement leave controversy, the couple from Loiret, who lost two children, spoke out.

“My husband doesn’t say his first name. I survived”

For the next ten days, he took Lukas to the morgue.

“I like accompany him to the endcarry her, dress her, bring her drawings, pictures, flowers… The last day I saw her was Mother’s Day.”

The cremation date is not fixed, it is necessary to wait until there are enough small bodies. “They called me in the evening, when it was over. We went to Ifs cemetery the next day to pray.”

Today, life goes on, somehow, despite the pain. The pain experienced within the couple is different.

“My husband doesn’t talk about it, doesn’t say his first name even if he chooses it. Me, I see a psychologist once a week and I am doing medical hypnosis to try to accept. We don’t often talk about medical abortions. It is forbidden. It is the decision of the parents and I still feel guilty.”

But Cindy “tries to move forward”: “I cling to small everyday signs: a feather, a radish in the shape of a heart… I want to be strong for my 7-year-old son who woman.”

Lukas is engraved in their hearts and through the memories he collects: retouched photos, calligraphy, bracelets… “I will tattoo his first name, like for my daughter. She is had his place in the family, he existed.”

A calligraphy made by an artist to immortalize Lukas.

Find support
These Loiretan associations, among others, offer support for families in this trial, after the psychological support initiated in the hospital.
The association Kinship exists since 1994, in Orléans. It offers, among other things, special consultations after childbirth for adults (mourning, obstetrical experience, follow-up).
Information: 3, rue Rouget-de-l’Isle, 02.38.86.37.76 and parentele.orleans@wanadoo.fr.
In Sully-sur-Loire, the association sleeping hearts was founded by bereaved parents, to support parents in perinatal bereavement. It consists of families who have experienced the loss of a newborn, friends, health professionals and people affected by the loss of one or more infants, left after a Medical Termination of Pregnancy (IMG ), stillborn or died early.
Information: 06.50.25.71.36, coeursendormis@gmail.com and Facebook group.
The association Jonathan Living Stones orphaned parents, siblings are accepted, regardless of the child’s age and cause of death. It has been in existence since 1978 and is recognized as a public utility. Branch in Villorceau.
Information: anjpv.alpha-corp.fr and 02.38.86.62.38.
And also: national association Little Emily.

Marie Guibal

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *